When the revolution comes …


When the revolution comes everyone who reads a newspaper will be made to stand in the corner and repeat: “I must not believe everything I read,” endlessly, or until they understand it, whichever is the sooner.

Radio DJs will be made to listen to their own output relentlessly on a loop until they beg for mercy.

Politicians will be made to wear sackcloth and walk the streets apologising to everyone they meet.

When the revolution comes, words will be taxed by the ounce, and false promises by the hours spent waiting.

Policemen will be required to dress up as transvestite unicorns and run through the streets shouting: “I’ve got the horn, I’ve got the horn.”

Winter will be shortened to two weeks either side of Christmas and sunlight will be imported from the South Pole to make the days longer.

When the revolution comes.

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